9.01.2009

Downsizing to Offset the Duggars


I find it ironic that in the midst of my manic downsizing obsession, the Duggars decide to have baby #19. Nineteen! Holyfuckinshit! That doesn't even deserve to be bleeped out because if you don't curse, surely you MUST submit to profanities now because it is the only logical response to such insane news. Now you know I try to give folks their own private space when it comes to parenting decisions, lifestyle decisions, whatever. I don't care what you eat, what you feed your kids, how you discipline, homeschool, private school, make the whole family dress up as farm animals at the dinner table every Tuesday night, whatever. I cut celebrity families a lot of slack. But this...this affects our entire overpopulated planet. They claim to have changed at least 90,000 diapers. Were any of those cloth? Oh wait! Do you think she'd buy my Fuzzi Bunz cloth diapers and inserts? Maybe I'll just send them to her. She could use them for kids #19-24, I bet. They're THAT great!

I digress.

"This never gets old," says proud overly-sexed papa Jim Bob Duggar. What? Yes! Yes it DOES get old, Jim Bob! And so do YOU! You are going to be grandparents for goodness' sake, and here comes baby number 19. Your grandchild will be older than your #19 baby.

Truth be told, I think they're insane. There. I said it. I hate saying it but that's how I feel. However...they seem like somewhat decent insane people. The kids seem a little robotic but kind. I think Michelle and I could be friends, in fact. That is, if she'd allow a loud opinionated Filipino into her home (has there been a non-Caucasian in their life?).

While the Duggars are preparing to add more to their overflowing plates, I am focused (some might say obsessed. po-tay-toe, po-tah-toe) with taking things off of my overflowing plate.

Starting with moving out of my office space downtown and moving back to my home office. Less commute, less overhead, more time to work.

We have two kids and we're calling it good. That means it's about freakin' time we unload all of our baby gear once and for all. Furniture, jogging strollers, double strollers, baby strollers, infant car seats, playmats, swings, toys toys toys. It all must go go go!

Sidenote: 75% of the babyproofing industry is a SCAM people. First time parents: you do not NEED half of that crap and believe me, when it comes time to sell your things to people who might not want the baby bumpers around the corners of tables and whatnot? It is a BEYOTCH to take off.

Weight. Or, more correctly stated, inches. I took the summer off from doing any sort of exercise whatsoever. I'm not a summer gal, and the heat and my skin conditions don't get along. Ah, but glorious fall is almost here, and I have no excuses. Eager for kickboxing to start up again in the fall. I might even give yoga a try again if I can find an instructor and classmates I don't want to punch.

Ommmm.

I want less. Less everything. Less is more! Less is good. Less is happiness.

Unless, of course, your last name is Duggar.

12 comments:

Electric Mayhem said...

Amen, sister. Just because you CAN have kids, doesn't mean you SHOULD have kids. They should have been snipped and tied a long time ago.

Stumble It!
marlynn said...

It's like I CAN eat five pounds of bacon, but SHOULD I? Hell no!

Stumble It!
Brenna said...

That made my night. I really don't get them, not even a little bit. I have a theory that Michelle is addicted to being pregnant, but c'mon now!

Hmm, maybe she'll buy my small Fuzzi Bunz too? ;)

Stumble It!
christina g said...

Just think if their 19 kids each have 19 kids. ((shudder))

Stumble It!
marlynn said...

ooh Brenna, good theory! I think you might be spot on. are there support groups for preggo addicts? do they get free birth control? someone sign Michelle up, stat!

Christina, their army is growing and that image is just enough to give me nightmares.

Stumble It!
Emma said...

I'm right there with you. I don't get them at all. I have a good friend who came from a family of 11 who is only having one because she always kind of felt like she got lost in the shuffle.

Stumble It!
Joya said...

Amen sister... amen.

Stumble It!
kateypie35 said...

Ha ha!!! I too think they are mad in the head...I am barely surviving with one. However, I don't mind - if they can swing it - hey, more power to 'em I guess!

At least their children all seem polite and well spoken, and you never see them in the tabloids.

You have a good point about the cloth diapers though. Maybe we should write to them and urge them to be green.

My only real concern in this is the state of the Mom's vajayjay at this juncture. My husband and I had a nice long convo about it. Cause we are sick like that. I mean, how can there even be enough elasticity left to procreate???? That 19th baby might just fall out if she sneezes.

Stumble It!
Cecily R said...

My three kids make me boarderline insane, so 19...I'd be in the padded room in no time flat. Actually, I might make the padded room with the three I have!

My husband's oldest brother is 2 years older than their youngest aunt. That's Mormoms for you though! :)

Stumble It!
Trenches of Mommyhood said...

You crack me up!

Stumble It!
Grace Matthews said...

Holy Shit Bricks! 19 kids? How does her body hold up to that? How can they afford it? I can barely afford the two I have (which BTW are the only two I'll have)

Stumble It!
B said...

i LOVE the idea that you are trying to offset them! Although you really would have to have negative 17 children...

Stumble It!